From Childhood To Parenthood

As children, when we are hurt by someone or by some circumstance, feeling afraid, or alone and deserted, in a situation in which we are helpless, the first thing we are aware of is – that “mum” is not there to help us. Sometimes an injustice is inflicted by an impatient or irritable parent, unaware of the hurtful feeling it gives an uncomprehending child. In either, or similar such cases, what the child feels, or what is real to it at the time, stays with it in its memory, consciously or subconsciously, for a lifetime.

If the child, on its way to adulthood, does not come to terms with it by understanding what actually caused its past trauma and why it was perhaps impossible for mum, through lack of knowledge or awareness of the situation, to be there for the child, becoming adult, can take it with it as resentment or even hatred against the parent.

Such condition can neutralise itself sometime on the road to adulthood, by remembering the disturbing occasions or incidence, and seeing them objectively from an “adult point of view”, namely, the true cause in the real circumstance of that moment, which should result in sufficient understanding of same, to annul the “burden” of such adverse feelings.

It also helps to understand with advancing maturity, that no one is perfect! And therefore it behoves us to accept others as such, including our parents – especially mum – who overall has done her utmost to bring us up and, above all, has given us the gift of life!

And when, as adults, mother nags too much or wants things too much her way, give her some tolerance and understanding, that it may be because she wants “what’s best for you!” but do not let that deter you from living your own life – and maybe telling her so! It is best, under any circumstance, to learn the “wisdom of life” from your own experiences – and even from your mistakes – rather than mums advice, which may be based on experiences she herself never had!

But be tolerant and understand that the child is – what she sacrificed part or all her life for, and she undoubtedly wants your best! The “umbilical cord” is hard to sever, and together as friends, or apart as foes, she will always love you and miss you after you have gone to a life of your own!

You will know when you are a parent yourself, that the hurt suffered here and there is not yours alone! Remember – who usually finishes up with a “broken heart”?